


In My Time

by MadBanana



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A MUSICAL FIC, A dash of sheith, But keith loves shiro too but he has to move on because, F/M, I'm coping with the last season so, LOTS OF LANGST, Lance is super loved, M/M, Minor (unrequited) sheith :(, Minor krolivan because :3, Multi, Pidge and keith loves lance and you can't convince me otherwise, Pining pidge and keith, Post-allurance, Pre and post-season 8, Side shurtis, Ugh, post-season 8, songs will be credited accordingly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 06:38:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadBanana/pseuds/MadBanana
Summary: After Allura sacrificed herself along with Honerva to save all realities, Lance has a choice to grieve forever or to move on. This is his story on how he coped with loss and the choices he made to shape his decisions over the death of his love.A musical fic for reasons, set during and after Season 8, in which Lance's feelings and decisions were addressed.





	1. Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Mad Banana, bringing you my take on pre and post-finale of Season 8 with a little twist.
> 
> Many of us were upset of the finale that brought the entire fandom in a storm of rage. However, please note that there is a deeper reason behind this. All I could say is that: Allura might be gone, but remember that she sacrificed herself to save all realities, including who ended up with who in an alternative universe.
> 
> Allura's farewell to Lance made me decide to write this fic with a little twist: IT'S A MUSICAL. The canon may have not provide us that one, I thought I have to deliver it myself. This is the beauty of creating fan content: creating what could have been in those scenes without being overly salty about the show.
> 
> A certain Tumblr user was hoping for a little fix-it fic to somehow water the plants, but I also thought of feeding others some ube with this offer. I hope they don't mind.
> 
> Here it is, hope you enjoy, and I hope this will somehow heal your heart and soul after the finale.

_“If I should stay,_  
_I would only be in your way._  
_So I’ll go, but I know_  
_I’ll think of you every step of the way...”_

“She’s gone.”

It was supposed to be a sweet victory for the Atlas crew. The destroyed realities have been revived, thanks to Allura’s efforts to make Honerva realize her mistakes...

But no one, especially Team Voltron, expected the big cost of it.

*****

The entire Atlas crew were celebrating – except Captain Takashi Shirogane who, for some reason, was trying to hold back his own tears.

“Why gloomy all of a sudden, Captain?” Coran’s wide grin almost killed him not because of his face, but because of the fact that there was a big price for them to win, and Coran... Poor Coran, he has no idea about it at all.

Shiro wanted to answer him, but got interrupted upon the arrival of the main heroes in the ship – Team Voltron: five brave young men and women who were chosen by the mythical Lions to aid them in defending the universe...

But for some reason, Coran noticed four Paladins, all wearing grieving faces, especially one of them. And from there, he just noticed...

“Where’s Allura?” he looked around.

Just by hearing her name, Pidge’s tears fell again while clinging to Hunk whose eyes have been puffy for no one knows how long. Lance was just trailing behind Keith, who has been silent all throughout.

“Wh-what’s going on?” Coran blinked. “Why isn’t she with you?”

“Coran,” Shiro cleared his throat, trying to pacify him first before telling him everything, “Allura... sh-she did it... She made a way to revive all destroyed realities.”

Coran laughed in amusement. “She’s really Alfor’s daughter! So,” he looked at them again, faces grimer than ever, which only made him feel shaking in fear. “Where is she...?”

No one dared to answer. Pidge couldn’t hold her emotions anymore while Hunk tried to calm her down despite his own tears flowing.

Seeing her tears made Coran start to rattle in fear of thinking that something happened to Allura on the way, but he refused to think about it. After all, they have won the battle, it’s all over, and everyone should be thankful for Allura to make it possible. But where is the main heroine and why is she not with the team?

His heart racing in panic, he turned to Lance. “She’s with you, isn’t she?” he asked, his voice started to sound desperate. “Where is she!? Why won’t you answer, Lance--?”

“She’s gone.”

Silence followed when Keith finally spoke on Lance’s behalf, seeing the desperation in Coran’s face when he tried to figure out everything. But even hearing the truth from the new Black Paladin, the former Royal Advisor wouldn’t believe it unless there is evidence.

“Aha, you’re starting to get good on your jokes, Keith,” he even tried to laugh. “She’s probably in the washroom. I know you, kids, you’re good at morbid Earthling jokes like this—”

“Only Allura has the ability to turn a destructive force of quintessence into a creating force,” Keith said, quite blantly, remembering every single word Allura said when they were looking for a way to somehow save the realities destroyed by Honerva. “It was Lotor who studied about it with her... and—”

“Where. Is. Allura?” Coran repeated, ignoring the truth. “Ah, sometimes Earthling jokes are not funny—”

“Coran...”

Shiro finally placed his warm hand on his shoulder, form there he could feel it shaking. As strong as he might look, he was just trying to hang on as well. He also don’t want to believe it happened, but he was there when that happened.

“I can’t believe it,” his voice shook.

“Us, too,” Shiro replied. “But believe me, we—”

He suddenly looked at Lance like he made the biggest crime to Allura yet. “You dared come to my room that night to ask for her hand, now where is she!?”

But Lance remained silent. Eyes casted on the ground.

“You said you’ll protect her!?” his voice began to rise. “You said you’ll be with her all the time!? WHERE IS SHE!? Why did you let her—”

He then stopped when he noticed Lance’s face. Those marks are familiar, glowing soft, light blue. Coran could feel his own jaw detaching from his face and dropping on the floor.

“Y-you’re _not_ Altean,” he pointed at him. “D-don’t tell me she gave that to you!? That’s impossible,” he grabbed both his arms. “Why do you have those!? What did you do to her--!?”

This time, Keith caught Coran’s arm.

“It’s _her_ choice.”

It wasn’t a surprise that Keith will defend Lance from the blame, because it’s the truth. They were all there. The only painful truth is the fact that Coran wasn’t there when Allura made her choice at the cost of her life.

“He tried to stop her,” he added. “But at that time, we have looked for possible options...

She chose _that_ option. To save everyone she loves.”

There was a crack in the half-Galra’s voice. When the old Altean noticed his face, he backed out a bit. Keith’s eyes were wet; he has been controlling his own emotions the entire time. From there, Coran slowly started to believe, although painful...

Allura, once the princess he cared for, a brave Paladin and a powerful alchemist, has joined her parents and her people on the other side, to save all of the universe’s existence.

The truth didn’t escape everyone’s attention. Nadia Rizavi started crying in disbelief after understanding everything and clung to Ina. Romelle covered his mouth in shock as tears started to flow in her eyes as well. The whole Atlas crew fell silent, realizing the biggest lost they had as a result of saving the universe.

As Coran slowly believed that the Paladin Princess isn’t with them anymore, he was slowly reduced to his own tears. “I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to her,” he sniffed. “Why must she... do that...?”

It was the saddest victory within the IGF Atlas.

Shiro, noticing that everyone’s morale went low after the battle, decided to speak in Allura’s behalf. “I know how shocked and sad you all are with her demise,” he tried to show strength in front of them, “but if not for her... we wouldn’t be here, alive and about to head home. This is the decision she came up with, and I know that while she thought about it, she has nothing in her mind but to save us and the entire universe... just as what her father... just as Voltron would want to do. We’ve looked for every option so she doesn’t have to do it anymore...

But in a war, we couldn’t help it but to make the ultimate sacrifices. Many lives have lost for a cause. There are victories... but all of that would not happen without something to give in exchange, even if we don’t want to. Allura... At that time, she didn’t hesitate at all. She knew the risk right from the beginning, but she knew that altering the quintessence within its consciousness is the only way to reset everything. It’s painful that she has to come up with that decision, but we all respected that...

We are grateful to her... but grieving at the same time even before she...”

And he looked at Lance, who remained as dead silent as ever. The Altean marks Allura left on him is slowly glowing, like a fresh wound inflicted on him, leaving him permanently scarred on his face.

Shiro knew that feeling, but unlike the time he lost Adam where he wasn’t there, Lance saw everything. It was one quiznaking painful memory, now that he finally almost got the happiness he wanted. They were on that point. He was still able to see how happy they were together. But now, it was nothing but bittersweet memories.

It was so painful that Shiro didn’t notice that he couldn’s speak anymore. Seeing Lance awfully reserved after what happened has just pierced his heart. He decided to look away and concentrate. “Commander Holt,” he called Sam after a heavy sigh, “set course to Earth.”

“Roger that,” Sam replied softly. As he went back to the bridge with Slav, the crew went back to their positions as they prepared to go back to Earth.

Meanwhile, as the Paladins stood in the corner waiting to get home, Lance just walked away, heading to his room. The three others just watch him go, without any strength to stop him whatsoever.

Shiro went back to his spot overseeing the crew silently. But one of them, a crewmember named Curtis noticed their captain’s heartbreaking silence. He later set his dashboard to auto-pilot, stood up, and went to the captain’s pedestal...

Curtis placed his hand softly on Shiro’s normal shoulder. The warmth from his hand triggered his heart that he began to shake.

“You did great, Captain,” he said.

Those words finally broke him into tears. No one uttered a word, as only his sobs could be heard within the Atlas’ bridge.

*****

 _“And I... will always love you..._  
_Will always love you.”_

Lance resigned himself to his own room, removing his armor, while the memory of Allura saying goodbye to each and everyone of them remained fresh in him. He has no strength to even open his mouth. Everything was exhausting that he just wanted to lie down and sleep, and, if possible, not to wake up ever again.

Everything was so vivid, so painful that he thought it all happened seconds ago.

After Allura said goodbye to Keith, she immediately grabbed Lance’s hand so tight she could crush his bones, and pulled him closer to her. Lance kept on shaking his head. He knew there might be another way without a need for her to sacrifice her own life. She now has family she can call her own, why does she have to throw it away to save the universe?

 _“Bittersweet memories,_  
_That is all I’ll be taking with me._  
_So goodbye – please, don’t cry._  
_We both know I’m not what you, you need._  
_And I... will always love you, oooh I,_  
_Will always love you...”_

“No,” he whimpered as he tried to hold on to Allura’s hands as tight as he could so she won’t go. “Allura, there... There has to be another way...”

“There is no other way,” Allura said. “This is all we have...”

“But you’re too important to the cause. You’re...”

His emotions gave up.

“You’re too important to me...”

Allura gently leaned to his forehead, knowing that her decision to stay and to sacrifice her life will shatter Lance’s heart. In her own heart, she doesn’t want to let go as well, but they both know that the entire universe is counting on them. And she knows...

She might be gone, but she is certain that there is still someone who can make Lance happy again.

 _“I hope life treats you kind,_  
_And I hope you’ll have what you dreamed of._  
_I’m wishing you joy, and happiness._  
_But above all this, I’m wishing you love.”_

“I’ll always be with you, Lance,” she assured. “And I’ll always love you.”

Allura gently touched Lance’s tear-soaked face, and for the last time, shared a passionate kiss. They both know it will be the last time they will feel each other’s lips that they made sure to savor each tick, and as Allura slowly pushed Lance away, and looked at Honerva who has been waiting for her...

_For him, it was a nightmare._

All, except him, looked at her as she walked away to the very heart of the consciousness of the universe, watching her final moment to save all of its existence. And Lance didn’t get to see her last moments just not to hurt himself over and over...

He finally found happiness. But why does fate has to be this cruel?

Staring at the single juniberry flower quietly sitting in a blue pot with only his undersuit, all Lance could see in the flower is the girl he once tried to pursue, once a friend, then his found love – but all he could see now is this flower.

Unlike Allura, a flower isn’t that responsive. And yet...

 _“And I... will always... love you..._  
_Will always love you...!_  
_Will always..._

Always...”

He curled himself in the corner of his bed, eyes still fixed on the ex-princess’ favorite flower. He remained fixated in it, until his eyes began to water again.

*****

Despite the tragedy, the Atlas crew still have to move on. Hunk might not be in a mood to cook at that time, but he couldn’t let everybody starve.

When almost everyone went to the cafeteria to eat, Hunk noticed that his teammates were not there, maybe because of loss of appetite. He sighed. So he called Sal to look after the cafeteria to search for them. They can’t stay hungry while mourning, or that was what he thought.

When he went to the room’s corridors, he heard loud sobs and wails. He even thought there was a ghost on a ship. Until he saw…

“Pidge?”

She has been standing in the corner for God knows how long, unable to do anything but to hear the cries of whoever that is. When Hunk slowly realized where the cries come from, his shoulders dropped.

“Why won’t you knock and comfort him?” he asked her.

“You know that I’m not good at it,” she admitted. “Why don’t you do it?”

He sighed. “How about we go together? We always do that whenever one of us is sad. It’s just that right now…”

Hunk looked at the door to Lance’s room, where he has been crying since they came back.

“Right now,” he continued, “Lance needs his friends more than ever.”

For some reason, hearing those words made Pidge feel strangely uneasy. She wanted to be with him, too, teasing him, comforting him like she usually does. But the situation is awfully different, where all of them are grieving for Allura’s death.

Hunk could read her face. He was a bit shocked at first, but he later tried to smile, taking her hand.

“He’ll be better once he sees us,” he assured. “Trust me.”

Pidge remained hesitant, which is new to someone who is always curious at everything. She thought she might as well use that curiosity to agree to Hunk’s plan. They were about to approach the door and knock, when...

“Leave him alone for now.”

Keith showed up behind them that it almost made Hunk trip in surprise while pulling Pidge down. Good thing they managed to keep themselves up.

“You know that Lance needs some time alone after what happened,” Keith even said. “You can’t just goof off at a time like this—”

“That’s why Lance needs us the most, man,” Hunk explained. “You said yourself, he’s having a hard time right now. In cases like this, he’ll need his friends with him.”

“After what happened to Allura? I dunno if he can still face us right now, so—”

“Geez, you’re our leader, and yet you’re tellin’ us to leave Lance grieving alone. We’re not like you, you know—”

“I didn’t say—”

“Oh, SHUT UP!” Pidge finally interrupted them. “Arguing won’t help the heck out of him--!”

“Why’re all here!?” LEAVE ME ALONE!”

They all shut their mouths when Lance heard them from the other sidee of the door, begging them to go away – just as Keith predicted. But instead of following his wish, Hunk marched towards the door.

“You can’t just confine yourself in your room mourning forever,” he said. “You need to eat, man! Allura’s gone now, you just can’t—”

“Fine! GO!” he screamed from the other side. “Shove it to my face! She’s _dead_! POOF! Now leave me alone to rot, just eat without me--!”

But Keith had enough of his whining that he slashed the door into pieces with his own bayard. None of them even dared to scream.

When they managed to get in, they saw Lance – still in his smelly undersuit, sitting limply in his bed, staring at them with bloodshot eyes. All they could do in the first few seconds is to stare at him and to agree how awful he looked like.

“Man, you’re a mess,” Hunk tried to get into Lance’s closet to get some clothes for him. “You haven’t washed yourself yet--!?”

“I told you to leave me alone--!” he demanded—

“Leaving you miserable, rot ‘til you die,” Keith said, “that’s easy. But this is not what Allura wanted to—”

“Allura, Allura, just SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!” Lance covered his ears. “If you’re just here to slap the truth to my face, YOU WIN! Just leave the quiznak outta here--!”

Pidge had enough. She slapped his face to wake him up. Silence followed.

“Allura didn’t left you to end up like a piece of crap,” she said. “So what those marks are for? Just a reminder that she _owns_ you!? She left those because she loves you and she trusts you that you can move on! Obviously, you’re as dumb as ever, you’re making things worse for yourself! If she’s here, she might be laughing at you right now!”

Lance didn’t say anything. He just let her words struck him. He took time to touch the Altean marks Allura left him: they’re not glowing at the moment but he could feel that those marks are alive and warm in his cheeks, as if it’s telling him something.

_I’ll always love you._

Her final words kept on echoing in his heart. It’s true, that no matter how long he will grieve, Allura will not come back ever again, that is why she left those marks to remember her by, no matter what he does.

Slowly, he felt deep shame.

“I’ve already found her,” Lance began to sob again. “Why does she have to leave…?”

“Trust me,” Hunk said, patting his shoulder, “we’re asking the same questions ourselves.”

Lance slowly raised his knees, sat in a fetal position as he hugged himself. Pidge, in turn, hugged him to somehow show him that he is not grieving alone.

“You’re not alone in this,” she said. “You’re not the only one grieving here.”

“You can’t have Allura all by yourself, you know,” Hunk even joked.

“Remember that she did this to save all realities,” Keith reminded him. “I’m sure in one of those realities, you’re living happily ever after with her.”

Lance almost forgot about it: the existence of different realities won’t be possible without Allura’s sacrifice. There are some points in which they are right: Allura still exists somewhere, in one reality where they lived happily ever after, had babies and had fun raising them.

Somehow it made him feel relieved. Alternate realities still exists.

Lance later hugged Pidge in return. “I’m glad that you’re my friends,” he whispered, as he made one more sniff and a shed of tear, holding Pidge’s hand.

_“Thank you for being a friend._   
_Traveled down a road and back again,_   
_Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant.”_

He later looked at Hunk.

_“I’m not ashamed to say,_   
_I hope it always will stay this way._   
_My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow.”_

And he later smiled at Keith, who smiled back.

_“And if you threw a party,_   
_Invited everyone you knew._   
_Well, you would see the biggest gift would be from me_   
_And a card attached would say—”_

Hunk pat his other shoulder, smiling at him.

 _“Keep smiling. Keep shining._  
 _Knowing you will always count on me—”_  
(Pidge: On us!) _“For sure.”_  
(Hunk and Pidge) _“That’s what friends are for!”_  
Hunk: _“For good times.”_  
Pidge: _“And bad times—”_  
Keith: _“We’ll be on your side forevermore.”_

Lance’s grief was temporarily washed with a smile on his face, seeing that his friends care for him as much as they cared for Allura. He isn’t alone in his grief. All of them lost her, something that he (almost) forgot just because he dated her for only a few days.

Keith topped everything with an assurance to his ex-rival. “That’s what friends are for,” he grinned.

He almost choked on his own tears and saliva to see and hear someone like Keith who will actually say those words that he tried nor to laugh. “Too much cheese, man,” Lance chucked.

“Shut up,” he pouted.

“Aww, guys!” Hunk topped everything by bringing his friends into one big hug and Lance never felt satisfied before. Two of them almost complained that he still stinks but later on, they enjoy each other’s warmth…

Pidge, most of all, who got stuck in Lance’s arms after hugging him alone.

But she finds it cool for now. At least they were able to let Lance know that he isn’t alone. Allura may be gone, but they believe that she’s watching over them, somewhere in the corner of the galaxy.

Lance was thankful, now that he knew that even with Allura gone, he can still count on his friends. However, the question now is for how long he will keep his grief considering the one he thought will be his forever, is gone forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 2: Laugh
> 
> "Until I fall in love again,  
> Would you hold me in your arms?"
> 
> \------
> 
> SONGS USED:  
> "I Will Always Love You," popularized by Whitney Houston (from _The Bodyguard_
> 
> "Thank You For Being A Friend," by Andrew Gold
> 
> "That's What Friends Are For," by Dionne Warwick and Friends


	2. Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST TIME: Allura is gone. Lance couldn't move on. His friends want to make sure he'll live a normal life, and he listened...
> 
> Or did he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and for your time to leave a comment!
> 
> Here's the thing: the title is quite ironic. Read, sing-along (if you know the songs) and find out.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LANCE!!!”

He was smiling from ear to ear, in front of a vanilla blueberry cake which Hunk made just for that day. A little lit candle was waiting for him to blow.

“So what’s your wish?” asked his sister, Veronica, who knew his pain for quite a while.

Lance didn’t respond verbally. He just closed his eyes to think about his wish. After he is done, he was ready to blow the candle.

_I wish everything is just a dream._

*****

Three months have passed since Allura’s death. The entire Atlas crew went back to their old lives as most of them continued to strengthen what is now called the Galactic Alliance, which was one of Allura’s legacies she left.

The entire crew voted Shiro as the new Admiral of the Galaxy Garrison, but he declined the offer and instead, he recommended former Commander Sam Holt to lead. No one protested, however, when they asked why, he mentioned that, as recommended by his psychiatrist, he has to retire to live a quieter life.

Under Admiral Holt’s command, they created a new generation of legendary defenders, based on the current Paladins. Lieutenants Matt and Katie ‘Pidge’ Holt spearheaded the project, where Pidge became the youngest head of the Garrison’s Technological Division.

Hunk also graduated from the Garrison, and decided to study again as a chef. He encouraged Sal and his old crew to enroll as well. Shay joined him, so is Romelle, and they were currently on their first semester.

Keith has been in and out of the Garrison with his mother, Krolia. Recently, she and Kolivan went into a bonding ceremony a month before they made preparations to enlist New Daibazaal as part of the Galactic Alliance. In short, they got married.

Coran became the king of New Altea and the representative of his people in the Alliance – a position he never thought he will hold since Allura’s passing, a position which she supposed to hold. He admitted from time to time he still feels sad that the little girl he swore to care for and to protect is not around anymore.

And Lance? He has been quiet for the past three months, until he decided to invite everybody on his birthday for reasons that may change what they will think of him.

*****

It was Lance’s 22nd birthday and the family decided to celebrate in their beach home in Vanadero. His friends are invited, of course. And they’re happy, thinking that he finally got over Allura’s death, in which almost everyone thought he will not recover ever again.

“You look like a DOLL!!” Nadia squealed to see Pidge rocking a collared mint dress for the occasion, with hair tied up, thanks to Colleen’s efforts to make her dress up. While Pidge’s cheeks were so red it conceals the soft blush Colleen put on her out of embarassment.

“This is one reason I _hate_ shopping for dresses,” she complained—

“I can hear you from here, young lady,” Colleen suddenly called her attention. “Don’t you dare mess up your hair or you won’t have your laptop back.”

She groaned. The rest of the girls just chucked.

“Wow, Pidge, you _rocked_ that dress!”

Nadia grinned to see Lance again after a while: he didn’t change except for those Altean marks Allura left him and he became less goofier – or, in proper terms, more mature. Sporting a white button-up shirt and vest jacket, he welcomed the two in.

“No thanks to Mom,” Pidge pouted (her mom called her again, which made her groan more). She decided to change the subject. “You looked more human… with cheek marks.”

“I _am_ human who happen to have cheek marks and looking good at it,” he said smugly. “Anyway, thanks for coming! Mom cooked a lot, so…”

For Pidge, it was refreshing to see Lance back to normal, somehow. And seeing him interacting again is a good sign that he is starting to move on, although she knew it won’t be easy on his part. It made her feel contented that she sees him that way, even in the distance…

Deep inside, however, she felt like she wanted to do something more for her best friend.

Lance was later called by his father, leaving the guests feel at home. Pidge still watched him go, without realizing that the two MFE pilots have been observing her. Nadia was about to squeal again in realization when Ina suddenly pulled her away to a corner, covering her mouth.

“What!?” Nadia finally breathe when her fellow pilot let go of her mouth.

“It would be best to leave everything in its course,” Ina suggested, “and not to interrupt any possible interactions between two unstabilized individuals that may cause unnecessary, if not dangerous, reaction—”

“Uh, layman terms, please?”

“Serrano has no single clue that Holt likes him from the beginning. A third-party interruption will cause instability, especially to Serrano who still has to cope with the Altean Princess’ death.”

There is still technicality in Ina’s warning but at least, Nadia understood. And with that kind of reasoning, she felt pity on the two with one of them will never, ever, find out the truth, while the other will remain in the background watching one killing himself from grief.

*****

“Quite busy on Daibazaal, huh?” Hunk guessed, as he saw Keith who just arrived, still in his Marmora suit.

“Some Galra still shut their ears,” Keith sighed, “good thing Mom knows how to handle those kinds of people. Things will be fixed in no time there. I was planning not to come, but Mom insists.”

“Glad you had time, or Lance won’t be happy,” and Hunk pulled one batch of cookie-like treats and showed them to him. “Just made these hours ago. It’s a traditional Galra dessert. Can’t believe I got the recipe from Dayak, but the ingredients are hard to find, so I improvise with Colleen’s newly-created yeast type—”

“No way,” he was a little surprised. “Never tried one, so,” he thought of giving it a try although Keith isn’t much of a fan of sweets. He took a bite, and he was pleasantly surprised.

“This ain’t too sweet,” he took another bite. “Mom and the folks will love these!”

“I helped a little bit,” Hunk admitted. “It was Lance’s mom who planned this party. She knew that Lance has been down lately so we thought of this party. Good thing he’s into it. Guess he’s ready to move on…”

“Yeah,” that was what Keith can only say. He thought of observing Lance a bit, which is quite good to see him laugh and tell jokes again – just like the old times (like heck, old times was like almost five years ago!) but it was pretty obvious how once the lively Blue slash Red Paladin, the self-proclaimed sharpshooter, a friend to all women, the cool ninja-wannabe, the romantic soldier… became a demoralized young man who will just laugh or make jokes if he is told to do so…

Like, he thought, a robot incapable of making own emotions and personality comparing to Pidge’s created robots. Seeing Lance like that only breaks his heart into a million pieces.

He didn’t realize that Hunk has been noticing him. “You’ve been looking at him like a worried boyfriend,” he spat.

“Wh-wha-NO,” Keith looked away, “uh, I mean, you should notice too—”

“Notice what? Lance being _not_ Lance for the past three months? I know. That’s why his mom and I threw up this party for him. I told you that already – I think? Yeah I did. What about you?”

He has no excuse anymore. He just sighed and decided not to talk anymore and to just enjoy Hunk’s improvised Galra cookies in peace, but he can’t fool the former Yellow Paladin, yet Hunk decided to stay quiet until he could confirm it, himself.

Later, Shiro arrived, and he was not alone. They know that guy from Veronica’s department – Curtis, they thought his name is? They greeted the guests, and tried to find Lance…

And they were holding hands.

Hunk whistled at the sight of the Atlas captain and his crewmember holding hands in public and they seem pretty proud about it. “Guess Shiro finally decided to settle down?” he guessed casually, and when he turned to Keith, he was more surprised…

His face showed pain. His eyes were watery when he saw Shiro holding someone else’s hand. Seeing Keith’s pained reaction made Hunk speechless.

Five minutes after Shiro and Curtis arrived, Coran also came. “Glad you made it,” Shiro greeted him. “Lance will be happy that the gang’s all back.”

“For old times’ sake, Shiro,” he grinned.

“Old times is, like, five years ago?”

“That’s about ten decaphoebes already!”

They were laughing.

Lance showed up soon after, quite happy to see the team back together again. But the moment he saw Coran, his smile faded a bit. He and Coran had a shaky end after Allura’s death, as he promised to protect her, make her happy, until her decision to sacrifice herself.

Since her death, their funny uncle-nephew relationship cracked a deep dent.

“It’s good to see you again, Lance,” he greeted. “I can see you’re eating well.”

“Not much, honestly,” Lance managed to crack a smile. “You’re… pretty healthy, yourself.”

Things went a little awkward for the two when Coran noticed that all eyes are on them. He then decided to invite Lance to have a private conversation in the kitchen.

*****

Meanwhile, Keith decided to have a little courage to face Shiro, just like the usual.

“Looks like you got yourself a lucky guy,” he even teased him.

“It’s quite a surprise, actually,” Shiro admitted. “He’s a batchmate of ours and he personally knew Adam, too. I didn’t expect how he confessed months ago.”

“Took me guts and Adam’s intervention, I guessed,” Curtis joked. “But seriously, I’ve been admiring him long before we launched into space for the first time. How he was so dedicated to save the universe made me wanna save him, myself.”

“You’re sounding like him. Maybe you need _me_ to save you,” they chuckled. How they keep their faces close to each other only made Keith want to just walk away slowly or just disappear.

“Anyway,” Shiro cleared his throat, looking at the half-Galra, “glad you came. I was planning to make an announcement today but I thought of telling you this first, being, you know, my brother…”

_Brother…_

Hearing that from Shiro again and again like an echo slowly melts his soul until it wants to disappear forever. The meltdown doesn’t end there when Shiro showed him a silver ring with a V-shaped diamond placed in his ring finger on his left hand, as he also noticed Curtis wearing a similar ring in a similar position.

He wanted to collapse right now.

“Y-you’re,” Keith tried to open his mouth, “engaged…?”

“Yeah,” Shiro was blushing a bit, “a surprise from Al, though. “We’ll be getting married next year. And I’m sure you won’t refuse to be my best man.”

If only he could disappear right now.

“That’s,” he sighed, “great! I mean… Yeah, got surprised, too. Congrats, Shiro. A-and Curtis, too. You… You really deserve to be happy…”

_And me?_

“Thanks, Keith,” he patted his shoulder. “I won’t be this strong and still going without you.”

“Can’t wait to join you in your wedding,” Keith wore a fake smile. “Uhm, n-need to go to the washroom a bit…”

“Sure!” and he let him go… just like that. In which Keith finds it relieving --- but heavy at the same time. He couldn’t believe what he saw and heard…

He couldn’t believe himself, either, for being awfully quiet for the entire, without letting Shiro know. And Keith made sure Shiro will never, ever, find it out.

 _“Stone cold, stone cold,_  
_You see me standing, but I’m dying on the floor._  
_Stone cold, stone cold,_  
_Maybe if I don’t cry, I won’t feel anymore._  
_Stone cold, baby,_  
_God knows I’m trying to be…_  
_Happy for you._  
_Know that I am,_  
_Even if I don’t understand._  
_I’ll take the pain. Give me the truth._  
_Me and my heart, we’ll make it through._  
_If happy is him…_  
_I’m happy for you.”_

Everything became black and white in Keith’s eyes. As he tried to hide away from Shiro, he also decided to hide his feelings for him, and decided to leave him to get the happiness he deserved. After all, he never knew. And he thought, he never will.

 _“Stone cold, stone cold,_  
_You’re dancing with him while I’m staring at my phone._  
_Stone cold, stone cold,_  
_I was your amber, but now he’s your shade of gold._  
_Stone cold, baby,_  
_God knows I’m trying to be…_  
_Happy for you._  
_Know that I am,_  
_Even if I don’t understand._  
_I’ll take the pain. Give me the truth._  
_Me and my heart, we’ll make it through._  
_If happy is him…_  
_I’m happy for you.”_

Shiro later announced his upcoming marriage to Curtis. All were happy, even Lance who was still recovering from his loss. They were all happy for him… even Keith, even he was trying to be happy, even if his own heart was slowly breaking into pieces.

But he thought right away, why would his heart break if Shiro didn’t know nor notice in the first place?

 _“Don’t wanna be stone cold,_  
_Stone…_  
_I wish I could mean this,_  
_But here’s my goodbye…”_

For the last time, the half-Galra looked at the couple, who seemed so happy together, surrounded by the people they love. And he, whom Shiro once trained and loved as nothing but a little brother, decided to keep his distance, watching them laughing while holding each other’s hand, and while he was slowly dying inside.

 _“Oh, I’m happy for you!_  
_Know that I am,_  
_Even if I can’t understand._  
_If happy is him…_  
_If happy is him…_

_I’m happy for you.”_

Mixed emotions swirled in Keith’s heart that it reached his head to the point that he didn’t notice himself losing consciousness. But then—

“Whoah, Keith!”

He didn’t notice a familiar face catching him, worried about his state. Seeing his face brought the color back to his own face and reality.

“You look pale, man,” he said. “Did you even eat?”

He blinked as he slowly recognized him – and those marks. “Lance?”

*****

On the other side, surprisingly, Pidge seemed well-behaved which pleases her own mother. But she has been observing Lance since they arrived at the house.

She saw him talking to Keith, and whatever they’re talking about, it’s just between two men. But she knew, herself: ever since Lance and Allura dated each other, to the time that Allura has to sacrifice herself which made him withdrew from anything else, she has been wary of his possible actions. She feared that something might trigger him that he might not recover from it anymore.

At least, this is what she can do for him, as his best friend, who, unfortunately, has been in love with him since day one.

She didn’t notice Ina and Nadia, who have been observing her as well since the first hour of the party. Both were convinced that they already knew what was going on, but as per Ina’s advice, they decided to watch her from a distance…

Until a known figure suddenly approached Pidge to the table. It was Lance’s another older sister by two years, Rachel, who decided to talk to Pidge in private. None of them knows why.

*****

Lance came back shortly to Keith with two tall glasses of beer as they continue talking. But it surprised the latter, not because of the former’s gesture, but because…

“ _You_ drink this?” Keith raised his eyebrow.

“You sayin’ you never saw a beer in your life!?” Lance was amused.

“That’s not it. I know what a beer is and I saw Pop drinking one before.”

“Oh, you’re surprised that I brought two instead of one? Because first off, you definitely need to tell me more and I’ll tell mine. Second, we’re legally adults for like, three years – well, in your case, you’re two space years older than us because of that quantum abyss.”

Lance has a point, and it made Keith happy somehow that he can ‘joke’ again. So he accepted the offer and said thanks while Lance sat beside him.

“So, going back,” Lance remembered, “you… really _like_ Shiro… from the start. And you never had a chance to tell him.”

“Say what you wanna say,” Keith said, surprisingly calm, “I know, I’m an idiot. Guess letting time pass by has a lot of downs—”

“Why don’t you tell him now!? They’re _still_ engaged, you—”

“No.”

He groaned.

“Besides, if Shiro is happy, so am I. The least that I can do is to support his decisions the way he supported mine.”

“Then, what? Regret things?”

“If you’re worried about me, you should think about yourself first. You know.”

Lance admitted he got caught on it that he sighed. He took his first sip before Keith decided to change the subject.

“So how are things between you and Coran now?” he asked. “You haven’t been in touch with each other for months since that happened.”

“Yeah, things went smoothly,” Lance happily admitted. “Forgive and forget. There’s still guilt but glad we worked it out. Let bygones be bygones, I guess.”

_Minutes ago._

“To be honest, lad,” Coran said while sharing a drink of beer with Lance, “I haven’t recovered yet. And I was even having second thoughts of forgiving you, but then I always forget the ultimate truth… _This_ is Allura’s decision. You nor anyone of you have no influence in it. The problem is within me since I wasn’t there when she decided to stay in the rift’s consciousness.”

Lance felt his grief more than anyone else. He swore to protect Allura after being in a cryogenic sleep with her for ten thousand years, and ended up losing everything – technically, if they will count the old Altea. But a loss is still a loss, in both of their opinion.

The memory triggered him again, although he is now trying his best to calm down and move forward. “I swore to protect her, too,” he said softly, “so you have all the right to get angry at me. I… I didn’t keep my promise. But if she was here, she’ll surely pull our ears until they come off.”

Coran chuckled. “That’s what she is, as feisty as a protective klanmürl.”

He swirled his beer like swirling a glass of numvill in his hand, trying to break a smile for Allura’s sake.

“We will definitely miss her,” Coran said.

Lance agreed, as he raised his glass. “To Allura,” he said.

“To Allura.”

_Their glasses clinked at each other._

“Glad things went well between the two of you,” Keith smiled as he raised his glass to Lance. “To broken hearts,” he croaked. “I guess…”

The Cuban was at the point of chuckling, but seeing his ex-rival’s seemingly serious face when he proposed the toast, he decided to raise his as well.

“To broken hearts,” he said, as their glasses touched each other.

Keith took a few sips, while Lance gulped the entire contents of the glass like a pro. He decided not to drink much because he has to go back to Daibazaal tonight to assist his mother. But for some reason he thought of watching Lance drink, maybe to think he can get intoxicated by watching him drink to forget…

But slowly, something across his mind that he wanted to drink from his glass in hopes of getting intoxicated.

*****

“You like my brother, don’t you?”

Pidge spat her own drink when Rachel started to interrogate her directly, and of all thing she will have to ask, it will be _that_ question.

“Uh, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stepped back. “Me!? Having a crush on _him_!? You know that he has a girlfriend—”

“Who apparently decided to sacrifice her life to save the universe, we know the story,” Rachel cleared out, “but we’re talking about _you_ here.”

She paused a bit.

“You have no idea, but ever since you came back, Lance couldn’t stop talking about his friends. Especially _you_. You thought it’s always about Allura, but you see…

You’re the first person he mentioned when he talked about his adventures in space.”

Did he, really? As much as Pidge wouldn’t want to believe it, deep inside she is happy. Yet, how would she know if his sister is telling the truth.

“You won’t believe me, but,” Rachel went on, “if Lance will be with someone, I’ve wished it will be someone he’ll grow up with. Someone who knows him better and someone who can keep him on the ground. At that time I really thought it was you he was after. So when I was watching you, I already knew.”

Things jumbled up in Pidge’s head. She was like she can only answer her in mathematical sentences but she knew that Rachel will not understand it. Besides, she tried not to be obvious, which, sadly, she was painfully obvious, at least in Rachel’s eyes.

“Th-that’s—” Pidge wanted to say it’s impossible but Rachel held her hand. Still, she wanted to clarify things out. “L-Lance say those things because we’re _friends_. That’s it… He has his preferences, so it’s impossible that he’ll come after me. C-comparing to Allura, I’m… I’m not even close to fifty percent of what Allura is, which made Lance fall in love with her in the first place—”

But Rachel held her hand tighter.

“You won’t believe me when I say this, but if there is someone who has to be with him for the rest of his life, it has to be you. Don’t get me wrong, I like Allura for him, we all do… But we’re looking for commitment here. If… If she really loved my brother, she doesn’t have to do something that will hurt him in the end, even if this will mean saving the universe. We’re all grateful that she did that. But…

As days passed, Lance gets more isolated than ever. We get it because he loves Allura so much, but as his sister, I’m concerned about his health and future, so… If I’ll ask you to stay by his side until he realizes that this isn’t the end, even if you don’t plan on letting him know your feelings, will you accept it?”

It’s the older sister who is asking her a favor, and this is for Lance’s happiness above all. This is something Pidge has been doing ever since Lance chose Allura, but to hear it from someone asking her to do it is quite something else that she was speechless about it.

Until “Heyy fellas, list’n up, list’n up!”

That was Lance’s voice, no doubt, but seems off, so both of them went out of the corner to check what was going on.

It was Lance, alright, but seems drunk judging by how sloppy he walked towards the middle – no, scratch the ‘seems’ part, he is drunk. It has only been two hours or so since the party started but he already drank too much: either he was so excited to taste alcohol…

Or because, obviously, of Allura.

“Have some li’l announcement to make,” he started, holding a bottle of beer and no one knows where it came from. “First, about me. Yep, yours truly. Thought it will be great for Papa to get a li’l help from me so from this day forward…

I, Lance Serrano, will step out of the Garrison to become the best farmer the family ever has.”

No one dared to react, except for Hunk and Pidge who knew his dream ever since.

“I get it, you’re drunk,” Hunk said. “You have the dream to become the best pilot in the galaxy, beat Keith, blah-blah-blah—”

“Hunk, buddy, my man,” he clung to the bigger ex-Paladin, “times have changed. A grown-up must think of his future. A _more_ mature future. It’s the way I like it—”

“But that means throwing your dream away,” Pidge said, “is that because—”

Hunk suddenly pushed Lance away to cover the younger’s mouth. But Lance knew what she was about to say and just scoffed.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he grinned. “But like I said, sugar, time has changed. Things have changed. Time for everyone to move on and good riddance, space nightmare. I’m sure all of you missed their beds and nightlife and stuff, so why must be shocked at my choice?”

“Th-there’s nothing wrong with your decision, Lance,” Shiro said. “But do you think it’s still too early for you to—”

“Aw, Shiro, my hero, thanks so much for your concern,” Lance smiled dryly, “but betcha think ya need to think of something _more_ than yer engagement, like…

Leaving Keith alone?”

Things went tight when he suddenly mentioned Keith, who was just as shocked as everyone else, and looked at Lance. His face is telling him not to say anything. However…

“Wh-what about Keith?” Shiro asked—

“GLAD you’ve asked!” and he clung to the man in question. “Ya think it will be great for you and him to have a heart-to-heart talk before _rushing_ things, like letting him know how much HE LOVES YOU and then leave him alone like nothing happened between the two of you--?”

“Lance, stop it,” Keith begged him.

But it was too late when almost everyone, even his family, were silent to hear Lance’s blabbering. Curtis, who was innocent at anything, looked at Shiro with a confused face.

“Shocked now?” Lance went on, his voice starting to get full of remorse. “Keith. Loves. YOU. Ever since, _Sir_. He chose to hide it for the sake of quiznaking saving the universe – and here you are falling in love with a random guy just to replace yer dead ex without consulting whom you’re calling a _brother_ \--!”

“I said STOP IT,” Keith pulled him away, “you’re just drunk--!”

“Why stopping now? HUH!? You know what’s wrong? YOU chose to keep quiet. YOU chose to go away. YOU chose to ge hurt instead of fighting what’s yours. Where’s the brave and feisty leader of Voltron, huh? The brave leader who didn’t get what he deserved just for the hell of it? No wonder HE HAS NO IDEA--!”

“And what about you, sharpshooter? Sulking forever ‘cuz your princess left you for the entire universe?”

“At least Allura knows how much I love her! Unlike you who decided to keep yer quiznaking mouth shut--!”

The head of the Serrano family had enough that he took away Lance’s bottle. “I shouldn’t have given you any bottle of this,” he said regretfully.

“That’s _my_ bottle!” Lance tried to snatch it. “See, I haven’t drank most of it--!”

“C’mon, man,” Hunk dragged him from Keith, “you’re drunk—”

“Gimme back my bottle,” he whined. “IT’S MY GODDAMN BIRTHDAY! You can’t do this to me—!”

Pidge was so fed up by his complaints that she punched his gut that caused him to throw up. Everyone almost stood back when he suddenly threw up from too much alcohol that he stained his own clothes.

“You’re freaking drunk and you’re going to rest, dumdum,” Pidge whispered to him. Rachel, meanwhile, rushed in and ask Hunk and Pidge to take Lance to his room while his brother, Marco, stood up to clean up the mess Lance made.

The party turned into a mess, thanks to the celebrant, himself.

Keith understood why Lance said those words but it wasn’t helpful at all. In fact, things just made worse between him and Shiro, who finally knew his feelings. Out of respect, he decided to leave early, but…

“Keith, wait!”

Shiro decided to leave Curtis for a while to follow him. He tried to approach him, but Keith walked further.

“Why didn’t you,” he didn’t manage to finish when Keith faced him and gave the sincerest smile he could throw at him.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” his voice was shaking. “But I don’t think I can fill up with what you need. We’re… _brothers_ , so no harm done.”

“Keith—”

“He’s waiting for you inside,” he raised his voice a bit. “I-I’m sorry, I have to go. Mom just called and they need a hand in the coalition—”

“Keith, please,” Shiro tried to reach his hand, but he slipped right away.

“Tell Lance Happy Birthday. And congrats again. I’ll be your best man so I’ll make sure I’ll come.”

He hopped into his hoverboard, without looking at Shiro back, and left without giving Shiro a chance to properly explain.

Shiro started to get confused with the truth, meanwhile Keith left, just done calling Krolia from the base, before his own emotions finally bursted and broke him while on the way.

*****

“You sure about this?” Hunk asked Pidge when they finally took Lance to his room. Too much alcohol knocked him off aside from her punch in his gut.

“Well,” she sighed, “in cases like this, no one will look after this idiot but his family and us.”

He understood, as he gave her a quick smile. “I’ll see if I can brew some coffee for him when he wakes up. Rachel’s probably getting some water to wash him up.”

When he left, Rachel came just in time with a basin on water and washcloth while Pidge took off his shirt to be washed as soon as possible.

“Sorry for punching him,” she said.

“Nah, you did alright,” Rachel said. “I knew he couldn’t take alcohol that much.”

When they finally took his shirt off, Pidge started soaking the washcloth in the water to wipe off the vomit in his chest. Knowing that her little brother will be in good hands, Rachel decided to leave the two.

“Thanks for staying,” she was grateful. “I’ll let Mom know about this so she can tell your mom.”

“Sure,” she smiled. “Leave him to me!”

With an assurance to Rachel, she left her little brother in Pidge’s care to tell everything to her mother. Pidge was, then, left with Lance who remained unconscious due to too much alcohol that it consumed both his body and mind.

She gave a heavy sigh. She knew it. Knowing Lance, it will take him months, even years, to recover from Allura’s death. And Rachel’s words keep on echoing in her mind like she is expecting her to replace the love he lost…

“But that won’t work,” she said. “Comparing me to Allura, and how you could enumerate what she did for the team, I’m not that close. Besides…”

She bit her lip.

“I’ve already decided to keep everything to myself. I’ve done my share. I don’t… I don’t expect anything else from you anymore. As long as you’re happy, so am I. But in this case…”

She held his hand tightly.

 _“Turn down the lights, turn down the bed._  
_Turn down the voices inside my head._  
_I lay down with you, you tell me no lies,_  
_I’ll hold you close, but don’t patronize…_  
_Don’t patronize me._

 _‘Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t._  
_I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t._  
_Here in the dark, in this final hour,_  
_I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel your power,_  
_But you won’t. No, you won’t._  
_‘Cause I can’t make you love me… if you don’t.”_

As she trailed her fingers in Lance’s sleepy face, down to his heaving chest, Pidge couldn’t help but to remember how they met for the first time. She was, back then, focused on finding her own family by disguising as a boy, and making friends with Garrison Cadets is not on her list. Until slowly, within a year, he learned to appreciate Hunk, and later Lance who, in some angle, reminded her of her then-missing brother.

But aside from that fact, Pidge couldn’t remember anymore what made her fall for Lance in the first place – something that she decided not to admit after seeing how the latter moves to Allura, from there she learned that he has some preferences. And, seeing herself, she doesn’t fall under those criteria.

 _“I’ll close my eyes, then I won’t see_  
_The love you don’t feel when you’re holding me._  
_Morning will come and I’ll do what is right,_  
_Just give me ‘til then to give up this fight…_

_And I will give up this fight…”_

Pidge made a solid decision, and since he and Allura dated – she decided to give up on her feelings towards him, and she decided to continue suppirting him as his best friend – even this will hurt her more, as long as he won’t get hurt again.

 _“Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t._  
_I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t._  
_Here in the dark, in this final hour,_  
_I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel your power,_  
_But you won’t. No, you won’t.”_

Tears just streamed in her face, as she watched Lance sleeping like nothing happened tonight. Like no one died. They were all affected, but Lance brought most of the burden. She doesn’t want to give up yet, but she has no idea for how long she will keep holding on until she finally decided to let go of what she currently feels.

_"Cause I can’t make you love me… if you don’t.”_

As she was sobbing in front of the sleeping ex-Paladin, she slowly noticed Lance waking up. He heard someone crying, until he finally opened his eyes, with light from his desk lamp helping him recognize who it was…

“P… Pidge…?”

When Lance saw her, Pidge immediately wiped her tears hopefully before he could notice, and cleared his throat. “S-so you’re okay now?” she asked him, acted like she didn’t cry at all.

The Cuban tried to get up, but headache from too much alcohol was pulling him back to bed. He held tightly to the rail and later noticed he is already in his room. He even saw himself shirtless. He felt like throwing up again, good thing Pidge stroked his back to calm him down.

“Lemme guess,” he then spoke. “I… messed up…?”

“Big time, man,” she was straight. “Still remember what you did?”

He tried to remember. The last thing he could remember was his conversation with Keith over beer. Things get wiry on his mind after that that he could feel his head throb.

“Come to think of it,” Pidge added, “you still have enough strength to wake up. Guess Rachel is right about your ‘self-proclaimed’ tolerance to booze and stuff.”

“I did something to Keith that I shouldn’t do,” Lance guessed. “…Right?”

She sighed. “Apparently, you told everybody that Keith is gay and has a huge crush on Shiro since day one, and instead of defending his feelings, you kinda called him out, so…”

Hearing the truth from Pidge about what he did was worse than knowing that Allura will never, ever come back, that he teared up again out of shame.

“Oh my God,” he sat in a fetal position again and sobbed. “I’m the worst…”

Pidge tried to calm him down. “I know you didn’t mean it. You’re just… drunk—”

“That’s the thing,” he sobbed. “I was drunk, I didn’t think straight, I made everyone’s night a mess, I made Keith and Shiro’s life a mess—”

“I’ll be frank, Lance. You still… still can’t get over her death, huh…?”

He cried more. “I thought I could… I tried… But it’s like I wake up from the same nightmare everytime…!”

And if Pidge could be more honest, she has no idea on what to do with Lance, exactly. Although she already decided to be with him whenever he will need help, even she couldn’t come up with the best idea when it comes to matters of the heart – unless this has something to do with science.

…Until he looked at her softly, straight into her eyes. Pidge felt she was shot right through the heart.

“Is there a way for me to forget everything,” he suddenly asked, “besides drinking?”

“You know that it will be the most stupid thing you can think of if you wanna forget about what happened,” Pidge said frankly. “Think of what Allura will tell you if she’s here right now.”

A situation made him hold her hand, much to her internal panic. “If you’re Allura,” he suddenly asked, “what will you do to me?”

It’s not comparing her to Allura per se, but Lance seeing her as Allura is already too much. But instead of protesting, Pidge decided to answer him just as she answers simple questions.

“First off,” she said, “I’m going to slap you each cheek until you wake up to your senses.”

“Fair enough,” he croaked.

“And then… I’ll stay by your side. Until you calm down.”

The second one brought guilt to his heart that he averted his eyes on her. From there, he slowly realized that, even as his best friend, Pidge is ready to lend herself to him to calm down. He knew Allura will never come back again, and just as he needed the most, Pidge was there… even if he felt unworthy of her help.

But since she is with him, he thought of asking of something that Pidge might think will be impossible. He suddenly held her hand tighter, and hugged her as tight as he could for a little warmth, which made her cheeks turn red.

“…L-Lance?” she blinked.

 _“Look at me like a crazy fool,_  
_Coming here, calling at nights like this,_  
_Just like she never said goodbye._  
_I know it’s late, but her memory_  
_Keeps coming round and just won’t let me sleep._  
_There’s just one thing I’m asking of you,_  
_Just one thing that I need…_

 _Until I fall in love again,_  
_Would you hold me in your arms?_  
_‘Cause the nights can be so long,_  
_Spending them alone._  
_I need you to hold me when I cry_  
_Through all these lonely times._  
_Just every now and then,_  
_Until I fall in love again.”_

Is Lance asking her to stay for a while? Pidge couldn’t believe her ears. She was ready to forget her feelings for him, and already planned on doing so when he courted Allura, but here he is, begging her to be with him until he calms down and forgets. As if Rachel foresaw this to happen.

“A-are you sure!?” her cheeks and eyes were burning. She can’t burst yet. She still has to confirm everything from Lance, himself.

 _“Don’t get me wrong, try to understand._  
_In times like these, I just need a friend,_  
_That’s what you’ve always been to me._  
_Though her love has come and gone,_  
_Would you mind if I lean on you ‘til I’m strong?_  
_Here I am, with my heart in my hand,_  
_Begging you to help me hold on!”_

She knew it.

 _“Until I fall in love again,_  
_Would you hold me in your arms?_  
_‘Cause the nights can be so long,_  
_Spending them alone._  
_I need you to hold me when I cry_  
_Through all these lonely times._  
_Just every now and then,_  
_Until I fall in love again._

 _Every now and then…_  
_Until I fall in love… again…”_

She understood his need for now. Until he hasn’t move on, Lance will rely on his friends, especially Pidge, who has been with him all this time. Even if that hurt her ego, she accepted his help. She returned his hug as tight as she could, before his emotions finally gave in and cried like a lost child.

Strangely, the ex-Green Paladin’s heart decided to still hold on to her feelings, because who knows what might happen in the future. For now, she has to be there as nothing but a best friend he could lean on.

She let him cry while washing him until exhaustion claimed him and rocked him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: LOVE
> 
> "Why did I run? Why did I hide?  
> Because the memories bleed on and on..."
> 
> SONGS USED:
> 
> "Stone Cold" -- Demi Lovato  
> "I Can't Make You Love Me" -- Bonnie Raitt  
> "Until I Fall In Love Again" -- Marie Osmond
> 
> Some songs were edited to fit through the story.
> 
> I headcanon Curtis's first name 'Al' for reasons.


End file.
